Evening Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
Television's prominent hosts devoted the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the affluent.
Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take
Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."
The subject was the controversial initiative which enables overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. An official page guarantees processing "faster than ever."
"A brief note here to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.
"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."
"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles
On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.
Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.